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Quiet days or a more turbulent time in your relationship doesn’t mean you’re in a bad relationship. It just means that something is off, that something is broken – not necessarily that already broken

This is the moment when you need to take a good, objective look at your situation and, above all, at your own behaviour. Only then will you be able to repair your relationship.

Look in the mirror

Some people find it very easy to blame the other person, while others take it all on themselves. Neither of these options is good. Take a look at what you’ve been doing recently and think about your expectations

What do you really want from yourself and your relationship? For the next few years? Maybe something has changed that you hadn’t thought about before? Allow yourself to have an honest conversation with your best friend, with the person who will always be with you – yourself. It’s through her that you’ll find out what your feelings really look like.

Without that first, most important mission in front of you, you won’t really know whether to take any steps. It may turn out that you don’t want to do it at all; that you are the one who has run out of things. There is nothing wrong with that. Remember that your health, your emotional state, should be the most important thing to you.

Middle of the road

Where two people meet, there is no single truth. You look at the world from your perspective, and your partner or partner from theirs. It takes a great deal of empathy and objectivity (which is hard to come by in an emotional situation) to be able to see things through the other person’s eyes. So listen. Without interrupting, without interfering – and then make sure that you are allowed to do the same

Try to find what you have in common, but don’t forget that what divides you can also be beautiful. Learn from each other. The first step is to make compromises, as long as they do not harm one of the parties (because a forced compromise is no longer a compromise).

This is important when you want to create a successful and long-lasting relationship with another person, who is not your reflection in the mirror, but a thinking and feeling person, with their own habits, dreams and plans. These include your relationship, but most of all your life.

The glass is half full

If, when problems begin, you assume that this is the end, you may find that the relationship actually ends. This is a very simple mechanism called a self-fulfilling prophecy. We tell ourselves – or someone – something so long and so intensely that we actually push ourselves or that person down that path, even though we might not have gotten there without our interference.

That’s why it’s helpful to think positively. This doesn’t mean assuming that problems will solve themselves, because that will never happen. But don’t assume that you’ll end up breaking up. Don’t exaggerate every conflict, every plate on the wrong shelf or unheard question.

Communication is key

Don’t forget to talk. Not necessarily in emotion, when you’d sooner say something that hurts the other person than thoughtful, honest confessions. Calm down and then say what is on your heart. If you are unable to communicate on your own, there is nothing wrong with getting help from a psychologist. Couples therapy is always a great way to figure out what’s really grating in your relationship – and it doesn’t have to be a last resort.

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Main photo: Odonata Wellnesscenter/

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